2:30AM Hillbilly Gourmet Special, it’s Cooking With Hank

The 2:30AM Hillbilly Gourmet Special:

The Gas Station Burrito Upgrade

Ingredients

1 frozen gas station burrito

1 handful of Doritos

Taco sauce

Sour cream

Optional “Fancy” Ingredients

Jalapeños

Shredded cheese

Hot sauce

A cold Mountain Dew

Poor decision-making

There comes a time around 2:30 in the morning when a man gets hungry enough to start making decisions that would concern medical professionals and probably his mother. This recipe was born during one of those moments.

We are taking a frozen gas station burrito and elevating it to what I call “hillbilly fine dining.

”First, you need to pick the right burrito. None of that healthy stuff either. At 2:30 AM your body isn’t asking for vegetables. It’s asking for survival. You want the kind of burrito that’s been rotating slowly in a gas station warmer since halftime of Monday Night Football.

Now take that burrito home and throw it in the microwave. The key here is getting the classic frozen burrito temperature profile:

*Molten lava on the outside

*Frozen beef cube in the middle

If you bite into it and immediately burn your mouth while also wondering how the center is still cold, congratulations, you nailed it.

Next comes the secret ingredient: 

Doritos.Take a handful and crush them over the top of the burrito. Don’t crumble them carefully either. Smash them like you’re mad at the electric company. The Doritos add crunch, flavor, and the illusion that this meal took effort.

At least three chips should miss the plate entirely. That’s how you know it’s authentic.

Now drizzle taco sauce across the top like you’re a TV chef whose cooking show got canceled halfway through the pilot episode. Then add a scoop of sour cream large enough to make a cardiologist sigh heavily from several counties away.

At this point, stand back and admire your creation.

This is no longer a frozen burrito.

This is cuisine. 

Now there’s one final rule: this meal must be eaten standing up in the kitchen. I don’t know why, but it tastes better that way. Preferably while staring into the refrigerator for no reason with the door still open.

Bonus points if: 

You’re wearing mismatched socks

There’s a random fork in the sink you don’t remember using and you quietly say:“I probably shouldn’t be eating this,” right before taking another giant bite .And somehow, at 2:30 in the morning, with taco sauce on your shirt and Dorito dust on the counter, life feels pretty good.